forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We left the knife in your bed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
