You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
