yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
