True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
