I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
