If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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