i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize