Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
