We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
