goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Text me some of your sweat
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
