I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
