did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
