i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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