My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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