And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
