I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
