I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Randomize
