Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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