She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
