so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
