Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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