Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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