I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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