I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want a musical about memes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dude. I can hear the air.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
