Walk of Shame. In a state park.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
