eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
