why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
