Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
