There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize