watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
