i think my tv is drunk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
