ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
