i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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