Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
