In the future we'll all be gay
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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