You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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