Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
