I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
