We named our party play list daddy issues
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
