lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Every concussion has its silver lining
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
