I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
