She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
