so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize