if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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