I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
