Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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