You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
