Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think a kid would responsible me up
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I touched a dick in church today
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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