we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
