On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
