my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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