Barsexuality is the new black.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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