I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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