dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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