Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
