Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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