if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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