Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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