You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
