Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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