i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize