we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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